31 Aug

Lately I have been dealing a lot with the topic of grief.  Not my own, but a lot with friends and family.  Grief has five stages, we all know them.  But when God is incorporated, it makes more sense to me.  The conversation always seems to be with God around the “bargaining” stage.  But why not talk to Him throughout the whole process?


“I know this isn’t possible!” “Everything was fine yesterday.”

This is Denial.  Trying to figure out why something has happened, and why it couldn’t possibly make sense.  Refusing to see what the situation is, and refusing to believe what is real.

Speak to God:

“I can’t work through this on my own, I don’t believe this is happening in my life right now, Lord.”


I take back my previous statement… think we talk to God during this stage as well.

“WHY God, WHY?!” “WHY would you do this to me, God, why would you forsake me?!”

This is anger.  Taking out your anger on God, other people, even yourself, because that is the most raw emotion that can be conveyed.

Speak to God:

“I know that this is building my character, Lord.  I know that you believe that this is for the best, but I am not there yet. I am angry, and hurt.”

It’s ok to feel hurt.


“If I had been there sooner, it would be different”  “If I had done something, it would be different” “I’ll never do ___ again, as long as it goes back to the way it was”

This is bargaining.  Trying to convince yourself that if you had done something different, you wouldn’t feel the way you do now.  Most people try to make a deal with God, since He is the one “in charge”.

Speak to God:

“Lord, I want things to be back the way the were, and I would do anything to make that happen.  But, I know that you know what is best for my life, and the lives of others.”


“I refuse to carry on” “I can’t live this way” “I don’t feel like doing anything”

This is depression.  I think it’s the stage that lasts the longest.  It takes hold of everything that makes you who you are, and drags it down.  Depression is so deep, a lot of people find it hard to make a path out of it.  Good news is, God knows.  He knows you are hurt.

Speak to God:

“Lord, I need your guidance.  I am so lost, and I need help.  I am hurt, I am broken, and I cant do this alone.”


“Things are the way they are, and there is nothing I can do about it.”

This is acceptance.  Some people confuse acceptance with everything being “fine” or “ok”. It isn’t.  Something very traumatic has happened to start the stages of grief, so clearly: Everything is not fine.  But accepting the things in your life is huge.  It means you are coming to terms with the lack of control of the elements that make your world what it is.

Speak to God:

“Lord, I accept that things have changed.  I understand that there is nothing I can do to change what has happened to me, but I can change how I feel about it.”




One Response to “Grief”

  1. Diedre Feick September 18, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    Good points

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